Good Night

Bedtime has historically been one of my biggest parenting challenges. I exclusively nursed my first son and we created a routine that included him nursing to sleep which also meant I was the only one who could put him to bed. At the end of the long day I grew to resent having to lay in a dark room waiting for him to fall asleep and since restlessness does not induce sleepy vibes, bedtime often lasted for what seemed an eternity.

When I became pregnant again I vowed that I would do it differently. At first I thought this meant that I would not nurse him to sleep and I did make an effort to change the nurse-to-sleep habit. I would make sure he nursed earlier in the evening and then wear him in our favorite baby carrier and let him fall asleep as I picked up the house for the evening. This worked wonderfully for many months but as he neared his first birthday I noticed that he was stimulated by staying up in the carrier and decided to bring him to bed with big brother. Naturally we began nursing while I read books to my older son and hence I found myself nursing my little one off to sleep everynight while snuggled close to big brother.

Somehow it is different this time around. I cherish that half hour of soft and cozy warmth. I feel my body sink into our warm bed and take some deep breaths as I take a moment to reflect on our day. I can feel some of the day’s stress disappear and quickly it is replaced with gratitude for finding my family healthy, safe and happy at the end of the day. I have come to realize just how fleeting these moments are and as I watch them change and grow so quickly I take advantage of any moment where we are quiet, conscious and peaceful.

So what I once ran away from I now embrace and I wouldn’t change it for the world. Bedtime has become a time for me to reflect and recharge. In fact, it is one of the few times in my day where I am able to find some quiet to meditate and it is from this space where I find my best inspiration.

When I reflect upon the difference between the two situations it is now easy to see that the only thing that has changed is my attitude. I am able to choose whether I am going to embrace and enjoy bedtime and also I get to choose if I want to make changes. In this case I found the only change needed was my perspective and what a gift that change has been for all of us!